首页
Note the following are very true stories.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
不抽烟不喝酒，林彪，63岁。不抽烟只喝酒，周恩来，73岁。只抽烟不喝酒，***，83岁。又抽烟又喝酒，邓小平，93岁。吃喝嫖赌样样精通，张学良，103岁。天天做好事，雷锋，23岁。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are weird similarities between Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.
* Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. * Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
* Both were shot in the back of the head in the presence of their wives. * Lincoln was shot in the Ford Theatre. Kennedy was shot in a Lincoln, made by Ford * Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
*Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. * Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. * Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. * Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. * Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
* Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater. * Both murderers were assassinated before their trials.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for! an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever
So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's ass came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story...
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is bout as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. A Mac just works.
NO! They have many programs (that are designed to run on a Mac) that do not work, just like a PC. They also say that the OS is created by the same people who make the computer. This is a lie, they base their OS on unix, which was originally made for mainframe computers, very non-mac.
2. A Mac doesn't crash.
Lies! Macs do crash. The difference is that on a PC it is the third party software that crashes, but on a Mac it is the OS. It is very easy to fix a PC that has crashed, but good luck trying to fix a crashed Mac...you can't even turn the damn thing off.
3. Macs are the best at digital music.
Actually, not only is this not true, but they also were not the first (talking about the Ipod here). There were portable mp3 players out before Ipods, and several with the built in HD design (what an Ipod has). The software that is made for PC has more capabilities than that of a Mac. It is human error (aka people not knowing what they are doing) that makes a Mac easier/better to edit music than a PC.
4. Digital Photography. "Simply drag your mouse, and iPhoto magically grows or shrinks your photo thumbnails. So you can view individual shots in detail or see hundreds of photos on the screen at once..."
This should sound familiar to Windows 98 users. It came with that OS. There are a few things the iPhotos has that Windows 98 doesn't, but they were all available way before Mac OSX came out as freeware downloads.
5. Your own digital entertainment center.
Um...? Ok?
6. Goes everywhere you go.
Can your PC laptop go coast to coast with just one battery?
Can you put the system to sleep just by closing the lid?
Does it wake up instantly?
Can your PC laptop automatically switch between Ethernet,
dial-up and wireless connections on the fly?
Without a restart?
Yes, Apple now makes a laptop!
Answers to the questions:
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. Yes
5. Only since 1995
7. It's built for the internet.
No way! It can go on the internet! With a modem, network cable, or wireless?! Wow!
8. Office is Office, and then some.
"The transition to a Mac is easy in part because you’ll continue using the same applications you already know"
"And thanks to exclusive features, the Mac versions improve on their Windows counterparts"
What is improved? So it's exactly the same as on the PC? I must've missed where you explained what features are improved, I was too distracted by the lack of a right mouse button.
9. Works effortlessly with PCs
Mac tried for awhile to make their own networking protocols, but failed, and now use the PC versions, cause they pwn.
10. It's beautiful.
Fine Mac's, you win this one. Especially all those fancy lights on the fans and around the case, that pretty glowing blue is --- oh wait, sorry, I was looking at my tower, and I just realized it's not a Mac. OOOO so thats why I am able to play video games...it's a PC. Sweet!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time that he lands ?
A: Did you ever fly with Alitalia ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even try.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rules of Flying
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. STAY OUT OF CLOUDS!!!!! The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for *** a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There is always something you have missed. Isn't that why they created checklists!
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It is the law and it is not subject to repeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.
25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. However, there are no old, bold pilots.
26. When you are lost....Climb, Conserve and Confess. (Actual line from the U.S. Navy SNJ training manual.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, ...the pilot dies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it.
The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aircraft pilots submit maintenance complaints / problems, generally known as squawks.
After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilot logged problem.
P - The problem logged by the pilot.
S - The solution and action taken by the engineers
P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P - No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S - No.2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
P - Dead bugs on windshield.
S - Livebugs on backorder.
P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they are there for!
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
S - Suspect you're right.
P - Number 3 engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right and Be Serious."
P - Target radar hums.
S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P - Mouse in cockpit.
S - Cat installed.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they're there for.
P - Noise from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer.
S - Took hammer away from midget.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a corpse.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write with in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about US $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dihydrogen Monoxide , a colorless and odorless chemical compound, is also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid.
Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters.Dihydrogen Monoxid is critical to the production of some caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.
The use of Dihydrogen Monoxide by farmers in the U.S. and internationally is prevalent. Typical of this is the widespread use of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the U.S. dairy industry. The facts surrounding Dihydrogen Monoxid's presence in the nation's milk supply are surprising. What may be even more surprising is the silence of the U.S. *** on the issue of Dihydrogen Monoxid in the milk our families drink every day.
A former U.S. Food and Drug Administration employee and a specialist in the feeding of dairy cattle, Dr. Donna Maria Waltz, warns that regulation of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the dairy industry is lacking. According to Waltz, it is the single most commonly used chemical in the production of milk. Cows are encouraged to ingest large quantities of Dihydrogen Monoxide, with studies showing that this practice can lead to increased milk production. The side effects of this practice have not been well studied.
Economic pressures play a major role in the widespread use of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the dairy industry. In fact, in some areas, it is subsidized by the U.S. government. As a result, claims Waltz, Dihydrogen Monoxide is the single largest contaminant of milk. ***al regulations cover the addition of Dihydrogen monoxide to the milk once it leaves the cow, but do not cover levels of ingested Dihydrogen monoxide.
Further, Waltz says, Dihydrogen Monoxide is used without an approved new animal drug application in treatments to disinfect cow udders and teats, to cure hoof problems, to alleviate the impact of bovine diarrhea, and both internally and topically to treat heat stress.
Purchasing Dihydrogen Monoxide-free milk is a good alternative for those who are worried about the lack of Dihydrogen Monoxide regulations in the dairy industry, suggests Waltz. Most grocery stores and pharmacies carry a number of Dihydrogen Monoxide -free milk products.
What are the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide?
Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of Dihydrogen monoxide, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of Dihydrogen monoxide ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent,Dihydrogen monoxide withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen Monoxide Facts
Dihydrogen monoxide:
is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the Greenhouse Effect.
may cause severe burns.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
So after these facts, what did the US congress do?
Well, our ever alert congresswoman, tried to pass a law banning the use of Dihydrogen monoxide. Needless to say, after all these facts, all of the congressmean & woman voted in support of it, that is, except one. He bravely stood up, and with a hint of irritation in his voice, questioned:" Ma'am, you do realize that the colorless, odorless, chemical compound you're trying to ban is water right?
Water, also known as H2O, possess all the characteristics just described. All of it is true.
This story tells us a valuable lesson: People can be tricked if you change the common name to a scientific one.
This was an experiment conducted by an 14 year old( no,not me) to see how many sheople there are...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
不抽烟不喝酒，林彪，63岁。不抽烟只喝酒，周恩来，73岁。只抽烟不喝酒，***，83岁。又抽烟又喝酒，邓小平，93岁。吃喝嫖赌样样精通，张学良，103岁。天天做好事，雷锋，23岁。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are weird similarities between Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.
* Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. * Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
* Both were shot in the back of the head in the presence of their wives. * Lincoln was shot in the Ford Theatre. Kennedy was shot in a Lincoln, made by Ford * Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
*Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. * Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. * Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. * Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. * Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
* Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater. * Both murderers were assassinated before their trials.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for! an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever
So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's ass came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story...
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is bout as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. A Mac just works.
NO! They have many programs (that are designed to run on a Mac) that do not work, just like a PC. They also say that the OS is created by the same people who make the computer. This is a lie, they base their OS on unix, which was originally made for mainframe computers, very non-mac.
2. A Mac doesn't crash.
Lies! Macs do crash. The difference is that on a PC it is the third party software that crashes, but on a Mac it is the OS. It is very easy to fix a PC that has crashed, but good luck trying to fix a crashed Mac...you can't even turn the damn thing off.
3. Macs are the best at digital music.
Actually, not only is this not true, but they also were not the first (talking about the Ipod here). There were portable mp3 players out before Ipods, and several with the built in HD design (what an Ipod has). The software that is made for PC has more capabilities than that of a Mac. It is human error (aka people not knowing what they are doing) that makes a Mac easier/better to edit music than a PC.
4. Digital Photography. "Simply drag your mouse, and iPhoto magically grows or shrinks your photo thumbnails. So you can view individual shots in detail or see hundreds of photos on the screen at once..."
This should sound familiar to Windows 98 users. It came with that OS. There are a few things the iPhotos has that Windows 98 doesn't, but they were all available way before Mac OSX came out as freeware downloads.
5. Your own digital entertainment center.
Um...? Ok?
6. Goes everywhere you go.
Can your PC laptop go coast to coast with just one battery?
Can you put the system to sleep just by closing the lid?
Does it wake up instantly?
Can your PC laptop automatically switch between Ethernet,
dial-up and wireless connections on the fly?
Without a restart?
Yes, Apple now makes a laptop!
Answers to the questions:
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. Yes
5. Only since 1995
7. It's built for the internet.
No way! It can go on the internet! With a modem, network cable, or wireless?! Wow!
8. Office is Office, and then some.
"The transition to a Mac is easy in part because you’ll continue using the same applications you already know"
"And thanks to exclusive features, the Mac versions improve on their Windows counterparts"
What is improved? So it's exactly the same as on the PC? I must've missed where you explained what features are improved, I was too distracted by the lack of a right mouse button.
9. Works effortlessly with PCs
Mac tried for awhile to make their own networking protocols, but failed, and now use the PC versions, cause they pwn.
10. It's beautiful.
Fine Mac's, you win this one. Especially all those fancy lights on the fans and around the case, that pretty glowing blue is --- oh wait, sorry, I was looking at my tower, and I just realized it's not a Mac. OOOO so thats why I am able to play video games...it's a PC. Sweet!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time that he lands ?
A: Did you ever fly with Alitalia ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even try.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rules of Flying
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. STAY OUT OF CLOUDS!!!!! The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for *** a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There is always something you have missed. Isn't that why they created checklists!
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It is the law and it is not subject to repeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.
25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. However, there are no old, bold pilots.
26. When you are lost....Climb, Conserve and Confess. (Actual line from the U.S. Navy SNJ training manual.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, ...the pilot dies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it.
The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aircraft pilots submit maintenance complaints / problems, generally known as squawks.
After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilot logged problem.
P - The problem logged by the pilot.
S - The solution and action taken by the engineers
P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P - No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S - No.2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
P - Dead bugs on windshield.
S - Livebugs on backorder.
P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they are there for!
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
S - Suspect you're right.
P - Number 3 engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right and Be Serious."
P - Target radar hums.
S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P - Mouse in cockpit.
S - Cat installed.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they're there for.
P - Noise from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer.
S - Took hammer away from midget.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a corpse.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write with in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about US $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dihydrogen Monoxide , a colorless and odorless chemical compound, is also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid.
Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters.Dihydrogen Monoxid is critical to the production of some caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.
The use of Dihydrogen Monoxide by farmers in the U.S. and internationally is prevalent. Typical of this is the widespread use of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the U.S. dairy industry. The facts surrounding Dihydrogen Monoxid's presence in the nation's milk supply are surprising. What may be even more surprising is the silence of the U.S. *** on the issue of Dihydrogen Monoxid in the milk our families drink every day.
A former U.S. Food and Drug Administration employee and a specialist in the feeding of dairy cattle, Dr. Donna Maria Waltz, warns that regulation of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the dairy industry is lacking. According to Waltz, it is the single most commonly used chemical in the production of milk. Cows are encouraged to ingest large quantities of Dihydrogen Monoxide, with studies showing that this practice can lead to increased milk production. The side effects of this practice have not been well studied.
Economic pressures play a major role in the widespread use of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the dairy industry. In fact, in some areas, it is subsidized by the U.S. government. As a result, claims Waltz, Dihydrogen Monoxide is the single largest contaminant of milk. ***al regulations cover the addition of Dihydrogen monoxide to the milk once it leaves the cow, but do not cover levels of ingested Dihydrogen monoxide.
Further, Waltz says, Dihydrogen Monoxide is used without an approved new animal drug application in treatments to disinfect cow udders and teats, to cure hoof problems, to alleviate the impact of bovine diarrhea, and both internally and topically to treat heat stress.
Purchasing Dihydrogen Monoxide-free milk is a good alternative for those who are worried about the lack of Dihydrogen Monoxide regulations in the dairy industry, suggests Waltz. Most grocery stores and pharmacies carry a number of Dihydrogen Monoxide -free milk products.
What are the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide?
Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of Dihydrogen monoxide, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of Dihydrogen monoxide ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent,Dihydrogen monoxide withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen Monoxide Facts
Dihydrogen monoxide:
is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the Greenhouse Effect.
may cause severe burns.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
So after these facts, what did the US congress do?
Well, our ever alert congresswoman, tried to pass a law banning the use of Dihydrogen monoxide. Needless to say, after all these facts, all of the congressmean & woman voted in support of it, that is, except one. He bravely stood up, and with a hint of irritation in his voice, questioned:" Ma'am, you do realize that the colorless, odorless, chemical compound you're trying to ban is water right?
Water, also known as H2O, possess all the characteristics just described. All of it is true.
This story tells us a valuable lesson: People can be tricked if you change the common name to a scientific one.
This was an experiment conducted by an 14 year old( no,not me) to see how many sheople there are...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
